Beginning CDD Rules
From a CDD woman, to husbands who are new to CDD
1. Give it time, give her time, give yourself time! Nothing works overnight, but this will work. If you are working on a lifetime of habits, they will not be corrected immediately. It may take several sessions, and then she may still slip. If she does, do not let it pass, just one time of your inconsistency is enough for her to feel it is acceptable. She does not want to feel it is acceptable. Until you are thoroughly established do not let things that you find unacceptable slide. YOU MUST BE CONSISTENT and THOROUGH.
2. Do not be too light. This may sound harsh, but having been through this for years, I can tell you that when the punishment does not fit the crime, then the crime will be repeated. I know you loving men do not want to see your wife cry. But sometimes a good cry is exactly what she may need. I am not saying don't discuss the problem with her first. Do that, but then do what is needed to stop repitition of the behavior. (If a building were on fire, you would push her 10 feet to the ground, even though it would hurt, to save her from her own fear of heights and a certain death.) We realize that you love us, and that this truly is harder on you than us, and we appreciate that.
3. Women are emotional creatures, we live by emotion, but sometimes we can't control those emotions and sometimes we need an emotional release. If you notice some odd or improper behavior repeating, then chances are we just need a release, do NOT deny us that. As men you are rational, and can't fathom the idea of what we are asking you, but you must trust us when we say this will only INCREASE our respect for you. We want you to be authoritative and strong, yet gentle and loving when the time comes.
4. She may have asked you for this, but it does NOT make her in control. It is just her way of saying she needs you to be stronger and more in authority. It is her way of telling you, "I trust you and I know you know what is best for me. I know you value my opinion, and my personage, but I also know I am not always in control of my own behavior or emotions. No matter how hard I try sometimes I need your help. Here is a way for you to reinforce your authority, and a way you can help me to be a better woman." She is offering you more than her backside, she is offering you her unconditional trust, her full submission, the very core of her being.
She may want with all of her heart to be fully submissive, but she is only human, and her free will over rules her ability sometimes, it is in these times she needs you to step up to the plate and remind her.
You are not forcing her into submission, she is offering it to you totally, completely, and unconditionally. She is not saying you must micromanage her life, only help her where she struggles. You may think she needs to grow up, but she is grown up, if she wasn't she would not ask for this. No child asks, and only a mature, growing woman, could ask for such a thing. However, you are still in control. Just because she offers, does not mean she controls. YOU control, you control the what, when, where, and why of it all.
YOU control, you control the what, when, where, and why of it all. You decide the discipline that fits the crime, you decide the time and place, and you decide what offenses will be disciplined. So even though she brought this up, she DOES NOT control it. She offers you blanket consent and full submission. You in turn, decide how to implement your authority.
5. If your wife is asking for this, you stand nothing to lose. You are only going to GAIN. You will gain respect from her, love from her, hope from her, a more stable less emotionally fluctuating wife, (she will have an emotional release, and not need to vent or fly off the handle near as much, when she does, then she needs your reinforcement.) Also, it will benefit you.
"How?", you ask. Well for one, you will pay attention to your own behaviors more, you will hold yourself to a higher standard. You will find yourself loving her like the Bible instructs, as the weaker vessel, and therefore find yourself treating her like the queen she really is.
There are so many more benefits that I will not bore you with them here. Just read some of the forums, some of the articles, talk to the ladies and the men, the benefits are innumerable.
6. Do NOT...let me repeat that DO NOT, base your relationship on the way others live theirs. You are NOT them, you are you and she is your wife. You know her better than anyone else, (if not then find out more about her). You KNOW what her weaknesses are, you KNOW where she needs help, you KNOW how much she can take, you KNOW when she is truly sorry, you KNOW when she is in need. Watch her, watch the signs, give her what she needs, not what anyone else says works for them or their wife. Some places will tell you it takes X number of minutes or X number of swats to bring her to a point of truly being sorry, that is not true, only you will know and can judge that. When she is past "fight or flight" and is to a point of true sorrow, acceptance and tears, that is when you give a bit more and finish up. For some women this takes 30 minutes; for others it takes 2 minutes.
See where I am going? Again, YOU are in CONTROL, you decide.
We women know, make that KNOW, that you don't like this, that is one reason we will strive for it not to happen, we also KNOW you will not bring us any harm. Even though any woman, will fight, cry, beg, or plead right before or during a punishment. Your strength and our trust in you is what draws us too you and makes us want to be your helpmeet and side kick. So always, again ALWAYS, follow through. If you follow through and are wrong, we are going to forgive you and respect you more, than if you do not follow through and let us off too easily. Nutty, yes, true, YES!!! What is right for you is NOT right for everyone, and what is right for everyone is NOT right for you. The articles you find are simply living examples. Some people need more rules, some people need less, only establish what you are willing to follow through on. For most people that is dishonesty, disrespect, addictions, and a few general things that are important to you... (i.e.: certain things done at certain times).
7. On the subject of Honesty. You will find your wife to be much more honest the further you get into this relationship, her accountability will increase. She will see things more rationally and clearly, and she will freely admit when she has been dishonest. You are increasing her awareness, and her accountability. She will begin to hold herself to a higher standard. Not out of fear, but out of respect for a man who is trying to guide her and help her. She will never fear you, only respect you for standing up and being the man God has ordained you to be. To a man this sounds a bit more than crazy, but it is true. Women seek men who are not only physically strong, but men who are emotionally and mentally strong, who are rational, reasonable, tough when they need to be, and loving when they need to be. Men who will, protect and guide them down this journey called life.
8. This rule will consist of several rules, and repeats from above. Even though this is not an all inclusive list, this is the way your woman feels if she has asked for this. You should try and give her what she needs. She is likely trembling, at the thought that you will actually do it, but also very excited. She has probably wanted this longer than not, and she is so very close. She is also scared you think she is crazy, she can't figure out how to tell you, or she has told you and can't make you understand what she is asking. You are not a woman, you may never understand, but as a man, HER man, you owe her the courtesy of trying to see things from her perspective. She is not kinky, she is not trying to wimp out of her own responsibilities, she is simply in need of strength, guidance, and accountability.
"How," you ask, "can you do this?" Just do it, set the boundaries and enforce them, that is what she wants from you. Discuss them, ask her what her weak areas are, then you decide what matters most to you, and go forward.
The best way to start is with what many call a "clean slate", you decide the time and place, and then you give her, her first. This you tell her wipes the slate clean, from this point forward she can expect this and more if something you have established to be a punishable offense is committed. Then FOLLOW THROUGH. This should not be as severe as a punishment, but it should be enough to show her you are serious and to help you establish where her "point" is.
In the beginning of this, she should tell you how she is doing, she should try to take as much as she can, and then tell you when she thinks she is at the fight or flight stage, then you should continue just a little further. This establishes roles, this establishes something to base future punishments on, and this gets both of you ready, and most importantly this "wipes the slate clean". This is better than the first being for the first offense, when you are both out of sorts.
She will appreciate it, and readily agree. You should read and follow what others say about warm up. Bruising is the number one cause, for men being upset, and abandoning this, the bruising will bother a man MUCH, MUCH more than the woman, however, most all bruising can be prevented with proper warm up. So read and study a bit, then do what you KNOW how to do. She is obviously agreeing to this or you would not be reading it.
The things I have touched on above, are not everything, but they are the most complained about problems I hear from women. Yes I said WOMEN. Women do not want to complain to their men, because they fear ruining the relationship, or him thinking they are trying to control, so they complain to other CDD wives. They WANT consistency, they WANT thorough, they WANT what they are asking you for, not because they are not able to control themselves, but because they NEED/WANT to feel your control. It is as natural to them as breathing. You may never see it, but if you try it you will definitely see the benefits, and she will see you in a whole, new, respectable and sexy light. ;o) NO KIDDING!!!!!!!!!
Oh, and don't forget the after care, some soothing aloe gel, while you discuss what will not happen again, tucking her under the sheets, and especially just holding her while she cries, you must do this, it is part of the release, part of the forgiveness, part of her knowing you care enough to do what is best and care enough to help her be better.
You will NEVER regret choosing this, unless you are inconsistent, or not thorough enough. You need to tell her up front that in the beginning she should be open and honest about whether or not she is getting enough consistency, thoroughness, and follow through, have open and candid discussions when no punishment is needed, when you are both happy and relaxed. Let her be open with her feelings and do not feel insulted or controlled, take what she says and apply it how you see fit. If you do not tell her she can be open about this with you in the beginning, then instead of telling you, (remember she does not want control) she may end up, either consciously or subconsciously acting out, or testing you.
IF you notice her testing you, FIX THE PROBLEM. Then when all is forgiven, and you are both relaxed, ask her why and how you can help her. You are still the authority, but sometimes you will be blinded by your love for her.
So there you go, give it a try. I PROMISE, you will NEVER regret it.