So, you're ready to have a go at CDD?
Right then. You've been researching and studying Christian Domestic Discipline for quite some time and have decided this is something you want for your marriage.
So, where does one go from here?
The first, and most important, step in beginning CDD is communication. Talk, talk, and talk some more. Take a break. Repeat. Realise this is a major change in the flavour of one's marital relationship. Take the time to share and be open with each other. This may be the deepest communication you have had with your spouse in quite an age.
Both partners must commit to being completely open and honourable, both with each other, and with oneself. No matter how difficult, honesty must be the policy of the hour, every hour. Each partner must know what to expect going forward.
CDD introduces powerful new dynamics into your lives and your relationship. Start slowly. Don't expect perfection the first day. Pick out just a few things you will focus on to improve your marriage... the new "rules of the manor" so to speak. It is best not to overwhelm yourselves in the beginning. Many couples begin with the "Four D's" which constitute a spanking offence. Focus on new areas gradually as you are both ready and comfortable.
The Four D's are defined as follows:
- Disobedience - may be outright refusal to comply, or a continual passive procrastination
- Disrespect - may be the tone in which she addresses him, or the words she uses
- Dishonesty - "little white lie" or big whopper, dishonesty erodes the trust between partners
- Dangerous - not following doctor's orders, reckless motoring, repeated careless use of a knife in the kitchen, etc
Following are some specific topics one may wish to analyse and discuss prior to beginning a CDD relationship:
- How many warnings should she receive before discipline? (Do you not despise the parents in the market? You know, the ones who keep saying to their tykes, "I shall not warn you again", when you KNOW they will! It's obvious from their behaviour, the child has no respect for them either.)
- Any specific violations which will earn immediate discipline? (i.e. no verbal warning)
- What things does she do which you consider very disrespectful? (she may have no idea how serious it is to you)
- Any specific violations she is really wanting to gain victory over? (problem areas she wants you to really come down hard on)
- How about maintenance spankings?
- How oft will maintenance be used?
- For what areas of concern?
- What purpose would maintenance serve?
- How severe would maintenance be?
- How will a "maintenance" spanking differ from a "punishment" spanking?
- How will punishment be carried out?
- Warm up for maintenance? For punishment?
- Any specific implement which is to only be used during punishment spanking?
- Any specific position which is to only be used during punishment spanking?
- Implements she does/does not want to use? Any specific reasons why/why not?
- Implements he does/does not want to use? Any specific reasons why/why not?
- Positioning - OTK, over his lap, over furniture, etc. Depending on physical conditioning (weight, height, joint flexibility, etc) there are positions which may work better for some couples.
- Corner time every time?
- Corner time only for specific violations?
- Specific attire? (most spank on the bare bum, but some only remove the necessary items for access, others prefer her fully nude and him fully clothed, especially during a punishment spanking to help remove her psychological armour, and to remind both this is not the time for a romp)
- How about lectures?
- What does she need to hear during a lecture? (he loves her, what she did wrong, what he expects next time, etc)
- Lecture during corner time?
- Lecture during the spanking?
- Specific things she should say when spoken to during discipline? (M'lord, yes/no sir, no excuse, etc)
- Specific rituals? (prayer first, emptying bladder before spanking, corner time before/after/both, who bares bottom, writing an essay, writing lines, etc)
- How will you maintain privacy if others share the residence? (children, in-laws, neighbors if the walls are thin)
- How soon after discipline will you allow yourselves sexual contact?
- Any specific aftercare she usually desires? (be tucked into bed, special pyjamas, rub in arnica or other soothing gel, to be held non-sexually, etc)
Furthermore, when beginning a CDD relationship, many women are quite curious about the spanking itself. Many women are known for "testing" and pushing the boundaries prior to CDD. Many new CDD wives have not been spanked since they were children; some have never been spanked before. Yet, many wives report having strong curiousity and romantic ideals of what a spanking from their husband will be like. If their normal behaviour is such that they are generally not in trouble, they may begin to get frustrated by the unresolved curiousity.
Some women actually will "brat" in order to experience discipline. "Bratting" is generally defined as acting in a fashion to intentionally provoke the husband to spank her. She begins to be disrespectful or disobedient, intentionally, for the sole purpose of convincing him to act. This can be very frustrating to the husband, as his intelligent, sweet wife begins to take on the temperment of a spoiled two year old.
To prevent the destructive nature of bratting, following are a pair of suggestions which can satisfy her curiosity, whilst allowing her to feel his authority in a constructive manner:
- First, a couple considering CDD might try an "introductory spanking" or "practice spanking". Often, the couple will use this very light spanking to try out positions and implements ahead of time, so that when the time comes for the "real thing" and both partners are nervous about "their first time", there will be fewer things for them to worry over.
- Secondly, many new CDD couples will do is to start the new chapter of their relationship with a clean slate. The husband will spank her for issues from their recent past or instances of rules broken during the "discussion phase". Husbands, if you both agree this is needed, make it count! This is your opportunity to start the CDD marriage off on the right foot. Give her something to be in awe of. Establish that edge in your marriage right away. Once it's all over, she'll thank you for it.